How to Sit with the Discomfort of Setting with Boundaries

When you start setting boundaries — especially if you’ve been a lifelong “yes” person — you may feel anxiety, guilt, or fear of conflict. This is normal. Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong; it means you’re breaking old patterns.

Here’s how to sit with the discomfort instead of running from it:

Name the Feeling
Pause and identify what’s coming up: anxiety, guilt, fear, anger, relief. Naming the feeling can reduce its intensity.

1. Breathe Into It
   Use slow, steady breaths — for example, inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6. This signals safety to your nervous system.

2. Ground in Your Values
   Remind yourself why you set the boundary — to protect your time, energy, or emotional health.
   Understand that feeling anxious afterward is part of the process. It’s your brain adjusting to new behavior. Learn more about values here.

3. Anchor in Your Body
   Notice your feet on the floor, press your palms together, or do a gentle stretch to come back to the present.

4. Resist the Urge to Over-Explain
   Silence can feel uncomfortable, but it’s often where boundaries grow stronger.

5. Have a Soothing Plan Ready
   Call a supportive friend, journal, or take a short walk to release tension without undoing your boundary.